Gleaning from Early 2003

I want to start reading back in my journals of how God has spoken to me and maybe I can get insight for today. So, for the first journal, I'm looking at my green violin prayer journal from 2003. This was my quiet time/journal time in transition. I had felt convicted that my journal was all about me and not enough about God and His plans for me. So for a time I just kept a strict prayer journal--no log of events, not even notes from the Bible or spiritual books. I'm going through my journals and numbering the pages so I'll be able to keep track of them a little easier.

I thank you for the truths from Your word that You showed me this morning. It is so incredible all this nature that You created. But even more amazing is that You love me more than the stars and mountains and animals. I ask that the nature that I'm surrounded with here and especially at school would make me think of you and praise you and point me toward you each day. I want to "sing to the Lord a NEW song, for He has done marvelous things!" (Ps. 9:41). I praise you that you make old things new and even things I've read in your word before NEW. I also always want to look for what NEW thing you are doing. (13)

I pray again for dad. God, I ask that you would make his heart soft and moldable. Break him. You love him so much more than I ever could. You came to give him abundant life, joy, peace LOVE. He is dead in his sin as I once was. Lord, make him intensely aware of his need for you--of his inability to do anything on his own, by his own strength. I just pray that this scary realization would lead him to the only answer--YOU. Draw him to youself. Change his heart. Speak to his heart. Give him questions that are only answered by you. Change my heart toward him and all my family. You put us together for a reason and I will trust you! (42-43)

Thank you for the word that you just spoke to me! "For I am convinced that neither death nor life...neither the present nor the future, nor anything in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39) What a powerful Word. And one that you've used to speak to me before--before I came to Kenyon. What a promise. I have recently been anxious about next year. So sure that I should go to Exeter but afraid you'll take it away like you took Wheaton away. But, how short is my memory. You were more than faithful in that situation three years ago. I can trust you! I can lay this worry down at your feet...Oh, I'm longing to! You are in control! Your will be done! (58-59)

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." -Jim Elliot (12)

Thank you for this small verse that you gave me this morning: "Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture." (Ps. 100:3). Lord, you are the good shepherd and I desire to follow you. I also thank you for something profound you showed me a few weeks ago: "His promises of guidance may be fully counted upon. Does it make sense to believe that the shepherd would care less about getting His sheep where He wants them to go than they care about getting there?" (88-89)

Those are the quotes for my first day of gleaning. The last thing I want for this blog to be is a chance for Satan to get a foothold and grow my dissatisfaction with my current life even more. It was hard reading about all the Eric stuff--especially the dating part. A part of me always wonders what life would have been like if we had worked out. But I don't want to go down that road because that life would not be perfect either (and having a pilot for a husband would probably leave much less quality time too!). I can take away from these prayers from eight years ago that You are still my Good Shepherd who I can follow without looking back with regret. You care about getting me where You want me if I'll only be still and follow. You are still doing new and wonderful things in my life and I just love being a mom to young ones--I get to see the new things through their eyes too :) And reading my many prayers for my dad just convicts me again that I should be on my knees for him every day.

Thank You for these ordinary Sauderdays!

You Can Find Beauty Anywhere

This morning in conversation with Grandma Sauder, she said her mother-in-law was very wise and told her that a person can find beauty anywhere. This especially spoke to me because in talking about Naturalists I discovered that I'm better at hearing from God in nature in a more awe-inspiring place. Joanne missed the landscape of Pennsylvania when she was a young bride--and I can't imagine her life as a young mother with Carlton in the service--and had trouble appreciating the beauty of Indiana. Wilma Sauder's life was different than she had pictured it and she could have chosen the easy path of disappointment and bitterness but instead she chose to see beauty.

Even though I'm not a Naturalist I want to see beauty where I am now! I chose to see the blessings of being a stay-at-home mom to two little girls, in love with a husband I don't always get to spend time with, and desperately trying to make ends meet. There is beauty in my life if I can only see it and let God speak to me through it.